How does one gain the necessary patience to get through the waiting season? There is a certain jealousy i hold for those who wait patiently. Those who save up for things they want. Those who are capable of waiting and displaying the discipline in not falling into the spoiled nature. The spoiled nature is that of wanting something and getting it, even if the timing is wrong, its not ready, your not ready, and possibly ruining it due to your impatience. I carry this, heavily. I want something. I get it.
I don't know the feeling of not having money.
I'm not rich, by any means, but i have this beautiful little piece of plastic that has taught me one thing, "get it now....pay for it later". Meanwhile, the interest piles up, charges start rolling in, ten dollars here, twenty there, fifty here, so on and so on. A year later I'm paying for a dinner i ate six months ago. A year later, I'm paying for something that's hanging in my closet, unused, ready to go to Goodwill. A year later, I'm paying for my spoiled nature, and more than likely adding on to this debt by buying more things.
i spend money like i have it.
I don't know how to wait. I know the concept, but don't know how to put it in action. One thing i have learned from Christianity that has been pretty consistent in my learning, is the act of waiting. Waiting on the Lord. Hmm... this one is tricky. I should wait on the Lord, meanwhile, i should continue to live, according to his will. How does one know where his will is? How do i know if i am going the right direction? Even when i feel i am going the wrong direction, how do i know its not really the right direction? Waiting.
I should be waiting. I'm not. Instead i fall into debt, not financially but emotionally, impatiently, and spiritually.
waiting.
Such a difficult task.
we wait for test results, we wait for someone to get home, we wait to do something we want to do until the appropriate time, we wait to get our paychecks, we wait to hear what we have always wanted to hear, we wait. We wait to allow time for preparation. We wait, and wait and wait. Then the moment comes, and its over so quickly. you move on to the next thing to wait for.
This patience, and discipline is much needed, much needed for this wait.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
an act of love
Love
Love is amazing.
It is some sort of reward, and a sort of grace, it alleviates pain.
When in love, or in its presence, there is a period of suffering. The suffering comes from the yearning, the wanting, the missing, and the fear of losing love.
When you know that a love exists, you know you can miss out on it.
When you know that such a wonderful thing is out there, you yearn for it.
We look for it in each other. I seek love. On a daily basis, I also try to give love. Sometimes I don't have to give a thought, it just happens, I love.
Other times, I have to pull it out, and hand it over.
Love is amazing. It's a gift to one another. You can see it, you can feel it, and you can experience it.
From friends, you give and receive love constantly. To hear my friends say to me that they love me is amazing. It causes the same sort of heartbeat skipping that one gets from the romantic love. I know their love is true, they show it in conversation, in action and in loyalty. They show their love in sacrifice. I can only hope that they feel the same love from me.
Family love is also a blessing. To know that these people who share your blood would do anything for you. It is especially a blessing when you can say in confidence that this love will fight anything, only to keep you together. I love my family, with a love that is irreplaceable.
These are interchangeable. Sometimes, a family becomes wonderful friends, and sometimes, wonderful friends become your family.
We seek love. Those who are without love in their lives seek love; those with love seek more of it. It's the one thing that keeps everyone in pursuit.
Love
I've often looked over my faith, my beliefs and wonder why it is I decided to follow this. What is it that has kept me coming back to this? What holds on to me even when I try to run away, and oh I have tried to run away from this? I've been given proof. There is too much in history to deny the existence of Jesus Christ. There is also too much evidence of his resurrection. There is too much in the world to deny a creator. All of this wasn't enough.
Something happened. A man died on a cross like many others before him. The only crime he committed according to those who crucified him, was telling us about love. The one thing that is beautiful above all beauties!! He told us that there is a love, a love that desires us.. US. He didn't tell anyone to kill him to prove to the world that He brought us salvation through love; he was killed because he said it anyway. I gave this analogy to a friend. If a someone were to go somewhere to defend someone, or to give them information that would save a life, even though they knew it would not be accepted by others and they might be ousted forever for saying these things, and they said it anyway, in LOVE, they would be showing an act of love, and if there were consequences after that, then so be it. There was a consequence after this; his dying on the cross was not the act of love, yet the consequence of His telling us of this great love. Imagine a woman jumping into the river to save her children from drowning, her intention is not to die, but she risks it in order to save the lives of her babies. She dies in the process, saving the lives of her children, giving her own, because she loved them. He came to us to show us love. All his teachings, all of what is written is based on love. LOVE. Yet, we deny it. We focus on the "religion" on the things we don't like about this religion, the churches and their fancy buildings, the "Christians" that so recklessly carry his name, because obviously, they are to be perfect should they decide to carry that name. ( sarc) We focus on the imposing it does on our lives.. " prayer.. psshhh.. church… no way… I don't want a Jesus fish on my car.. I don't want to go to bible studies and become another one of those…." well then don't. But know this…. there is love. And all of this "stuff" you see out there in the world is a distraction from the truth His love. Should you ever decided to ask this "God" out there what its all about… you will see that it is ultimately about love.
The suffering that we do, in the name of love, the sacrifices we make in the name of love. For friends, for family, for romance, we do in pursuit of love and in giving love. He did that too. He desires our love. Not our money, not our rituals, nothing other than acknowledgement that what He did for us what love, and that this love is the gateway to Him, and a relationship with. All the other things, will slowly unravel in understanding, and we won't ever understand everything, just like the mother who dies to save her children, she will never be completely understood, her children will never know all the thoughts that made up her mind, or why she did things the way she did, or why she gave them limitations and boundaries, or why she brought them into this world. The one thing that is absolutely clear is she acted out on love in creating a bond and relationship with her children and in the end saving them.
Love is amazing.
It is some sort of reward, and a sort of grace, it alleviates pain.
When in love, or in its presence, there is a period of suffering. The suffering comes from the yearning, the wanting, the missing, and the fear of losing love.
When you know that a love exists, you know you can miss out on it.
When you know that such a wonderful thing is out there, you yearn for it.
We look for it in each other. I seek love. On a daily basis, I also try to give love. Sometimes I don't have to give a thought, it just happens, I love.
Other times, I have to pull it out, and hand it over.
Love is amazing. It's a gift to one another. You can see it, you can feel it, and you can experience it.
From friends, you give and receive love constantly. To hear my friends say to me that they love me is amazing. It causes the same sort of heartbeat skipping that one gets from the romantic love. I know their love is true, they show it in conversation, in action and in loyalty. They show their love in sacrifice. I can only hope that they feel the same love from me.
Family love is also a blessing. To know that these people who share your blood would do anything for you. It is especially a blessing when you can say in confidence that this love will fight anything, only to keep you together. I love my family, with a love that is irreplaceable.
These are interchangeable. Sometimes, a family becomes wonderful friends, and sometimes, wonderful friends become your family.
We seek love. Those who are without love in their lives seek love; those with love seek more of it. It's the one thing that keeps everyone in pursuit.
Love
I've often looked over my faith, my beliefs and wonder why it is I decided to follow this. What is it that has kept me coming back to this? What holds on to me even when I try to run away, and oh I have tried to run away from this? I've been given proof. There is too much in history to deny the existence of Jesus Christ. There is also too much evidence of his resurrection. There is too much in the world to deny a creator. All of this wasn't enough.
Something happened. A man died on a cross like many others before him. The only crime he committed according to those who crucified him, was telling us about love. The one thing that is beautiful above all beauties!! He told us that there is a love, a love that desires us.. US. He didn't tell anyone to kill him to prove to the world that He brought us salvation through love; he was killed because he said it anyway. I gave this analogy to a friend. If a someone were to go somewhere to defend someone, or to give them information that would save a life, even though they knew it would not be accepted by others and they might be ousted forever for saying these things, and they said it anyway, in LOVE, they would be showing an act of love, and if there were consequences after that, then so be it. There was a consequence after this; his dying on the cross was not the act of love, yet the consequence of His telling us of this great love. Imagine a woman jumping into the river to save her children from drowning, her intention is not to die, but she risks it in order to save the lives of her babies. She dies in the process, saving the lives of her children, giving her own, because she loved them. He came to us to show us love. All his teachings, all of what is written is based on love. LOVE. Yet, we deny it. We focus on the "religion" on the things we don't like about this religion, the churches and their fancy buildings, the "Christians" that so recklessly carry his name, because obviously, they are to be perfect should they decide to carry that name. ( sarc) We focus on the imposing it does on our lives.. " prayer.. psshhh.. church… no way… I don't want a Jesus fish on my car.. I don't want to go to bible studies and become another one of those…." well then don't. But know this…. there is love. And all of this "stuff" you see out there in the world is a distraction from the truth His love. Should you ever decided to ask this "God" out there what its all about… you will see that it is ultimately about love.
The suffering that we do, in the name of love, the sacrifices we make in the name of love. For friends, for family, for romance, we do in pursuit of love and in giving love. He did that too. He desires our love. Not our money, not our rituals, nothing other than acknowledgement that what He did for us what love, and that this love is the gateway to Him, and a relationship with. All the other things, will slowly unravel in understanding, and we won't ever understand everything, just like the mother who dies to save her children, she will never be completely understood, her children will never know all the thoughts that made up her mind, or why she did things the way she did, or why she gave them limitations and boundaries, or why she brought them into this world. The one thing that is absolutely clear is she acted out on love in creating a bond and relationship with her children and in the end saving them.
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