Somewhere between here and there, the value in certain things has been lost, or maybe just misplaced.Here's one:conversation: Asking someone how their day is going is a pretty loaded question, yet most people quit listening as soon as the words" how is your.." come out of their mouths. I'm talking about strangers too... customers, people we kinda know at the coffee shop, cashiers, etc.
I'm at work and I ask this question over a hundred times in one day, and occasionally someone stops me in my tracks and answers me honestly...." Well she's not doing well" he says..." She has good days and bad days and well today is not a good day.... she's in a great deal of pain..she's fought cancer before..breast cancer and now shes fighting kidney cancer and ..." he goes on. This old old man is having a crappy ass day... his wife is dying.
Another lady tells me she is surviving, her husband died a year ago and having been a housewife all her life, she is just now at ( sixty something?) learning to how sustain herself...A woman tells me she is excited because her son is coming home from the military.. another lady tells me her husband of seven years has a two year old son, that's not hers...
How are you? Heavy words... and most don't listen...even when talking to friends... you are so anxious to tell them about YOUR day... what YOU did... etc. We kinda listen. I'm not saying always.... just sometimes... most of the time...
The things is... most people just need someone to listen.. sometimes... say little things like... " uh huh... " and just react... I asked him what she was fighting.. if she had a good day recently.. letting him know that i don't have any idea what that feels like and i can only imagine... but that i would pray for him and his family to get through this...
The lady with the husband needed to vent... i almost took the part of a long time girlfriend and had my " no ways..." and my " well your better than that..." and ultimately reassured her that she was strong... and that she would be okay in the end....
I shared the excitement for the returning soldier...and told her how wonderful it was to have that happen... i asked her what she planned on doing when he got back.. etc...
As little as it was.. those ( among many) conversations are worth something. Among strangers.... it still had worth.
i love conversation.. Its beautiful... its musical... it can flow smoothly... or have a unique harmony... or it can go totally wrong and be totally off key.. and even those can create some funny stories to tell in future conversation.
The awkwardness in conversation is also intriguing. Its human, its vulnerable. And when the conversation gets comfortable.. the unraveling is pretty cool.Finding people you can carry great conversations is an amazing thing. The kind where no matter what you talk about, you can recall it later that day.. that week... or just later. They stay in your mind like a good song.
I am so fortunate to have found friends and to have a family where conversation is valued. They are carried well, and even when they are not.. they work themselves out into something pretty interesting. Each friend plays a different conversational instrument. And we all play well together... even more, i like introducing friends that don't know each other, almost just to see how well they play together. I'm so blessed to have found friends that play well with me.. and that I play well with.
I know this.. but i know i have abused this art before..i have stopped listening to the answers i had asked, i have tuned out to responses, and stories in anticipation of telling mine. I have devalued the value of conversation, I can only hope to remember this and continue to value the words and stories told to me from now on...
