Somewhere between here and there, the value in certain things has been lost, or maybe just misplaced.Here's one:conversation: Asking someone how their day is going is a pretty loaded question, yet most people quit listening as soon as the words" how is your.." come out of their mouths. I'm talking about strangers too... customers, people we kinda know at the coffee shop, cashiers, etc.
I'm at work and I ask this question over a hundred times in one day, and occasionally someone stops me in my tracks and answers me honestly...." Well she's not doing well" he says..." She has good days and bad days and well today is not a good day.... she's in a great deal of pain..she's fought cancer before..breast cancer and now shes fighting kidney cancer and ..." he goes on. This old old man is having a crappy ass day... his wife is dying.
Another lady tells me she is surviving, her husband died a year ago and having been a housewife all her life, she is just now at ( sixty something?) learning to how sustain herself...A woman tells me she is excited because her son is coming home from the military.. another lady tells me her husband of seven years has a two year old son, that's not hers...
How are you? Heavy words... and most don't listen...even when talking to friends... you are so anxious to tell them about YOUR day... what YOU did... etc. We kinda listen. I'm not saying always.... just sometimes... most of the time...
The things is... most people just need someone to listen.. sometimes... say little things like... " uh huh... " and just react... I asked him what she was fighting.. if she had a good day recently.. letting him know that i don't have any idea what that feels like and i can only imagine... but that i would pray for him and his family to get through this...
The lady with the husband needed to vent... i almost took the part of a long time girlfriend and had my " no ways..." and my " well your better than that..." and ultimately reassured her that she was strong... and that she would be okay in the end....
I shared the excitement for the returning soldier...and told her how wonderful it was to have that happen... i asked her what she planned on doing when he got back.. etc...
As little as it was.. those ( among many) conversations are worth something. Among strangers.... it still had worth.
i love conversation.. Its beautiful... its musical... it can flow smoothly... or have a unique harmony... or it can go totally wrong and be totally off key.. and even those can create some funny stories to tell in future conversation.
The awkwardness in conversation is also intriguing. Its human, its vulnerable. And when the conversation gets comfortable.. the unraveling is pretty cool.Finding people you can carry great conversations is an amazing thing. The kind where no matter what you talk about, you can recall it later that day.. that week... or just later. They stay in your mind like a good song.
I am so fortunate to have found friends and to have a family where conversation is valued. They are carried well, and even when they are not.. they work themselves out into something pretty interesting. Each friend plays a different conversational instrument. And we all play well together... even more, i like introducing friends that don't know each other, almost just to see how well they play together. I'm so blessed to have found friends that play well with me.. and that I play well with.
I know this.. but i know i have abused this art before..i have stopped listening to the answers i had asked, i have tuned out to responses, and stories in anticipation of telling mine. I have devalued the value of conversation, I can only hope to remember this and continue to value the words and stories told to me from now on...
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
spoiled
How does one gain the necessary patience to get through the waiting season? There is a certain jealousy i hold for those who wait patiently. Those who save up for things they want. Those who are capable of waiting and displaying the discipline in not falling into the spoiled nature. The spoiled nature is that of wanting something and getting it, even if the timing is wrong, its not ready, your not ready, and possibly ruining it due to your impatience. I carry this, heavily. I want something. I get it.
I don't know the feeling of not having money.
I'm not rich, by any means, but i have this beautiful little piece of plastic that has taught me one thing, "get it now....pay for it later". Meanwhile, the interest piles up, charges start rolling in, ten dollars here, twenty there, fifty here, so on and so on. A year later I'm paying for a dinner i ate six months ago. A year later, I'm paying for something that's hanging in my closet, unused, ready to go to Goodwill. A year later, I'm paying for my spoiled nature, and more than likely adding on to this debt by buying more things.
i spend money like i have it.
I don't know how to wait. I know the concept, but don't know how to put it in action. One thing i have learned from Christianity that has been pretty consistent in my learning, is the act of waiting. Waiting on the Lord. Hmm... this one is tricky. I should wait on the Lord, meanwhile, i should continue to live, according to his will. How does one know where his will is? How do i know if i am going the right direction? Even when i feel i am going the wrong direction, how do i know its not really the right direction? Waiting.
I should be waiting. I'm not. Instead i fall into debt, not financially but emotionally, impatiently, and spiritually.
waiting.
Such a difficult task.
we wait for test results, we wait for someone to get home, we wait to do something we want to do until the appropriate time, we wait to get our paychecks, we wait to hear what we have always wanted to hear, we wait. We wait to allow time for preparation. We wait, and wait and wait. Then the moment comes, and its over so quickly. you move on to the next thing to wait for.
This patience, and discipline is much needed, much needed for this wait.
I don't know the feeling of not having money.
I'm not rich, by any means, but i have this beautiful little piece of plastic that has taught me one thing, "get it now....pay for it later". Meanwhile, the interest piles up, charges start rolling in, ten dollars here, twenty there, fifty here, so on and so on. A year later I'm paying for a dinner i ate six months ago. A year later, I'm paying for something that's hanging in my closet, unused, ready to go to Goodwill. A year later, I'm paying for my spoiled nature, and more than likely adding on to this debt by buying more things.
i spend money like i have it.
I don't know how to wait. I know the concept, but don't know how to put it in action. One thing i have learned from Christianity that has been pretty consistent in my learning, is the act of waiting. Waiting on the Lord. Hmm... this one is tricky. I should wait on the Lord, meanwhile, i should continue to live, according to his will. How does one know where his will is? How do i know if i am going the right direction? Even when i feel i am going the wrong direction, how do i know its not really the right direction? Waiting.
I should be waiting. I'm not. Instead i fall into debt, not financially but emotionally, impatiently, and spiritually.
waiting.
Such a difficult task.
we wait for test results, we wait for someone to get home, we wait to do something we want to do until the appropriate time, we wait to get our paychecks, we wait to hear what we have always wanted to hear, we wait. We wait to allow time for preparation. We wait, and wait and wait. Then the moment comes, and its over so quickly. you move on to the next thing to wait for.
This patience, and discipline is much needed, much needed for this wait.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
an act of love
Love
Love is amazing.
It is some sort of reward, and a sort of grace, it alleviates pain.
When in love, or in its presence, there is a period of suffering. The suffering comes from the yearning, the wanting, the missing, and the fear of losing love.
When you know that a love exists, you know you can miss out on it.
When you know that such a wonderful thing is out there, you yearn for it.
We look for it in each other. I seek love. On a daily basis, I also try to give love. Sometimes I don't have to give a thought, it just happens, I love.
Other times, I have to pull it out, and hand it over.
Love is amazing. It's a gift to one another. You can see it, you can feel it, and you can experience it.
From friends, you give and receive love constantly. To hear my friends say to me that they love me is amazing. It causes the same sort of heartbeat skipping that one gets from the romantic love. I know their love is true, they show it in conversation, in action and in loyalty. They show their love in sacrifice. I can only hope that they feel the same love from me.
Family love is also a blessing. To know that these people who share your blood would do anything for you. It is especially a blessing when you can say in confidence that this love will fight anything, only to keep you together. I love my family, with a love that is irreplaceable.
These are interchangeable. Sometimes, a family becomes wonderful friends, and sometimes, wonderful friends become your family.
We seek love. Those who are without love in their lives seek love; those with love seek more of it. It's the one thing that keeps everyone in pursuit.
Love
I've often looked over my faith, my beliefs and wonder why it is I decided to follow this. What is it that has kept me coming back to this? What holds on to me even when I try to run away, and oh I have tried to run away from this? I've been given proof. There is too much in history to deny the existence of Jesus Christ. There is also too much evidence of his resurrection. There is too much in the world to deny a creator. All of this wasn't enough.
Something happened. A man died on a cross like many others before him. The only crime he committed according to those who crucified him, was telling us about love. The one thing that is beautiful above all beauties!! He told us that there is a love, a love that desires us.. US. He didn't tell anyone to kill him to prove to the world that He brought us salvation through love; he was killed because he said it anyway. I gave this analogy to a friend. If a someone were to go somewhere to defend someone, or to give them information that would save a life, even though they knew it would not be accepted by others and they might be ousted forever for saying these things, and they said it anyway, in LOVE, they would be showing an act of love, and if there were consequences after that, then so be it. There was a consequence after this; his dying on the cross was not the act of love, yet the consequence of His telling us of this great love. Imagine a woman jumping into the river to save her children from drowning, her intention is not to die, but she risks it in order to save the lives of her babies. She dies in the process, saving the lives of her children, giving her own, because she loved them. He came to us to show us love. All his teachings, all of what is written is based on love. LOVE. Yet, we deny it. We focus on the "religion" on the things we don't like about this religion, the churches and their fancy buildings, the "Christians" that so recklessly carry his name, because obviously, they are to be perfect should they decide to carry that name. ( sarc) We focus on the imposing it does on our lives.. " prayer.. psshhh.. church… no way… I don't want a Jesus fish on my car.. I don't want to go to bible studies and become another one of those…." well then don't. But know this…. there is love. And all of this "stuff" you see out there in the world is a distraction from the truth His love. Should you ever decided to ask this "God" out there what its all about… you will see that it is ultimately about love.
The suffering that we do, in the name of love, the sacrifices we make in the name of love. For friends, for family, for romance, we do in pursuit of love and in giving love. He did that too. He desires our love. Not our money, not our rituals, nothing other than acknowledgement that what He did for us what love, and that this love is the gateway to Him, and a relationship with. All the other things, will slowly unravel in understanding, and we won't ever understand everything, just like the mother who dies to save her children, she will never be completely understood, her children will never know all the thoughts that made up her mind, or why she did things the way she did, or why she gave them limitations and boundaries, or why she brought them into this world. The one thing that is absolutely clear is she acted out on love in creating a bond and relationship with her children and in the end saving them.
Love is amazing.
It is some sort of reward, and a sort of grace, it alleviates pain.
When in love, or in its presence, there is a period of suffering. The suffering comes from the yearning, the wanting, the missing, and the fear of losing love.
When you know that a love exists, you know you can miss out on it.
When you know that such a wonderful thing is out there, you yearn for it.
We look for it in each other. I seek love. On a daily basis, I also try to give love. Sometimes I don't have to give a thought, it just happens, I love.
Other times, I have to pull it out, and hand it over.
Love is amazing. It's a gift to one another. You can see it, you can feel it, and you can experience it.
From friends, you give and receive love constantly. To hear my friends say to me that they love me is amazing. It causes the same sort of heartbeat skipping that one gets from the romantic love. I know their love is true, they show it in conversation, in action and in loyalty. They show their love in sacrifice. I can only hope that they feel the same love from me.
Family love is also a blessing. To know that these people who share your blood would do anything for you. It is especially a blessing when you can say in confidence that this love will fight anything, only to keep you together. I love my family, with a love that is irreplaceable.
These are interchangeable. Sometimes, a family becomes wonderful friends, and sometimes, wonderful friends become your family.
We seek love. Those who are without love in their lives seek love; those with love seek more of it. It's the one thing that keeps everyone in pursuit.
Love
I've often looked over my faith, my beliefs and wonder why it is I decided to follow this. What is it that has kept me coming back to this? What holds on to me even when I try to run away, and oh I have tried to run away from this? I've been given proof. There is too much in history to deny the existence of Jesus Christ. There is also too much evidence of his resurrection. There is too much in the world to deny a creator. All of this wasn't enough.
Something happened. A man died on a cross like many others before him. The only crime he committed according to those who crucified him, was telling us about love. The one thing that is beautiful above all beauties!! He told us that there is a love, a love that desires us.. US. He didn't tell anyone to kill him to prove to the world that He brought us salvation through love; he was killed because he said it anyway. I gave this analogy to a friend. If a someone were to go somewhere to defend someone, or to give them information that would save a life, even though they knew it would not be accepted by others and they might be ousted forever for saying these things, and they said it anyway, in LOVE, they would be showing an act of love, and if there were consequences after that, then so be it. There was a consequence after this; his dying on the cross was not the act of love, yet the consequence of His telling us of this great love. Imagine a woman jumping into the river to save her children from drowning, her intention is not to die, but she risks it in order to save the lives of her babies. She dies in the process, saving the lives of her children, giving her own, because she loved them. He came to us to show us love. All his teachings, all of what is written is based on love. LOVE. Yet, we deny it. We focus on the "religion" on the things we don't like about this religion, the churches and their fancy buildings, the "Christians" that so recklessly carry his name, because obviously, they are to be perfect should they decide to carry that name. ( sarc) We focus on the imposing it does on our lives.. " prayer.. psshhh.. church… no way… I don't want a Jesus fish on my car.. I don't want to go to bible studies and become another one of those…." well then don't. But know this…. there is love. And all of this "stuff" you see out there in the world is a distraction from the truth His love. Should you ever decided to ask this "God" out there what its all about… you will see that it is ultimately about love.
The suffering that we do, in the name of love, the sacrifices we make in the name of love. For friends, for family, for romance, we do in pursuit of love and in giving love. He did that too. He desires our love. Not our money, not our rituals, nothing other than acknowledgement that what He did for us what love, and that this love is the gateway to Him, and a relationship with. All the other things, will slowly unravel in understanding, and we won't ever understand everything, just like the mother who dies to save her children, she will never be completely understood, her children will never know all the thoughts that made up her mind, or why she did things the way she did, or why she gave them limitations and boundaries, or why she brought them into this world. The one thing that is absolutely clear is she acted out on love in creating a bond and relationship with her children and in the end saving them.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
the rebellion
I think people believe they exist in a time that encourages self thought. The time of " do as you are told, believe as you are told, think as you are told" are somewhat over. We are no longer at the grip of authority in thought. You can argue this, but really, we live in a time and day that we are pretty much allowed to hold our own beliefs. ( at least here in America) You can not force me to live a life I refuse to live. While we do have societal standards as to how we are going to survive, and if we don't follow these standards, we may lose the freedom to live comfortably, we still have the choice to live as we please. We are no longer in the days of the witch hunt where people are killed for our differences ( yes i understand it still happens.. but as a society... its pretty much not acceptable). The idea that a woman is to stay at home and raise children is outdated. We are no longer to believe in one true God. We are allowed to meet him wherever and however, at our pace, and on our terms. This "God" will meet us where we want to meet.
We've rebelled from the the norms and the standards that a higher governance has set for us. I pretty much can choose to believe what i want, to live a certain life and to be a certain way, of course, without denying someone rights to the same freedoms.
But... what if... i want to be a stay at home mom... well then, i stand the chance of being accused of falling to the sexist mentality that has been ruling time. I stand being ousted by professional women who say that's not what i really want.. i just want that because that's what I've been told i want. What if i want to cook and clean for my husband, while he goes to work and supports the family. All of this within reason, ( he's not to abuse this either) What if i choose to believe in One TRUE God? Well that's silly. Why would you do that when we've been trying so hard to get away from the rules, rituals, and suffocatings of Christianity? Especially when there are so many other religions that do not tell you there is only ONE way to God. That's so restrictive
Why not?
I believe people have lost the full ability to think for themselves. Just because someone, somewhere, in some time, abused the idea, took it and distorted it, manipulated it, rearranged it and kept the same name... doesn't mean that at some point, in the beginning, it wasn't something good.
Women... we are nurturing. We want to take care of the ones we love... I know i do. In whatever way i can, i want to make sure they are taken care of... children, or no children, we are nurturing. We were created to hold life... whether or not we do.. we as a whole, were created to do so... that's a HUGE call! That requires a strength that comes from being nurturing. That's okay. We are not weaker than, we just acquire different strengths. We can tolerate immense pain, but we still maintain an amount of delicacy. I'm okay with that. I want to be delicate, I want to be taken care of too. I want the man i marry to be a stronger person, ( not just by physical strength) but by having the ability to take care of me, while I'm taking care of our children and him as well. Chivalry is now considered offensive. Opening a door for you doesn't mean they think you can't, they are just making a gesture of courtesy! A genuine man of strength acknowledges your strength, but will also let you use it whenever he can't, and will almost let you save your strength for whenever you need it. But i have been told, that if a man offers to open the door, or to carry something heavy, or let him take care of something, it means, he thinks i can't. Like mentioned earlier, some men have manipulated this, and actually do think we are weak, fragile beings that can't do anything, and really any man who thinks this way, and is aware of the fact that women give birth, and go through almost a weeks worth of pain EVERY month, really aren't worth the argument. They speak for themselves. All I am saying, is.... i feel in our rebellion of what a woman's place is, we lost our own desire to where we want to be. Sure, be a professional... be a career woman, let your husband stay at home. That's fine! but if you want to stay home.. then do it... and don;t feel that you are surrendering to the idea that you are doing exactly what "we've" fought so hard to get away from.
As for God. I think that religion has been shoved down our throats for so long, that now, we spit out everything!!
Everyone is so okay now with believing in anything but the Christian God. If you decide to follow anything BUT Christianity , than you are truly open minded and wise. But if you choose to believe in Jesus, and His Divinity, well then ,you haven't really explored your options.
Thing is.. people reject Christ, because they can't possibly believe in that ... yet they fall into the novelties of a million other religions and beliefs without exploring its validity. Christians are constantly being mocked and criticized., but how dare you say something to disgrace the honor of Buddha, or any of the Hindu Gods. I'm not encouraging anyone to start doing this, its not right to disrespect anyone or their beliefs. But as a whole, I think that its become more okay to reject and mock Christianity than any other belief. Yes, i am aware that there have been some ( many ) "Christians" that have done many unruly things, but if you knew anything about this faith, and what it is based on, these " Christian" masks would be removed and you would see that these people were not acting on faith, and on a relationship with Christ. Christianity has nothing to hide. Its open to investigation. Its open to examination. Its a shame that people have taken the name, manipulated it, twisted it and carried it to open forums for everyone to see. If someone was to take my name, and in the name of "Flora" do horrendous things, wrong things, manipulated things, of course, people would see that, and of course pay little attention to the other who in my name went out and did good. If others took my name and in my name were helpful, gentle, and loving people, they would not get the same attention. Without ever knowing anything about ME, you would reject me, because you never even tried to know me. Without ever knowing Jesus, people reject Him. They base their view on those who have taken his name and acted solely on their manipulating intentions.
Because so many have shoved this religion down people's throats, this FAITH is being spit out. Should people decide to try and see for themselves.. who knows... you might agree with it.
SO think for yourselves, we are allowed that freedom, and i feel as if though we have been tricked into thinking we have had this freedom. Its really been pushed to the opposite and become sort of a rebellion.
"eat vegetables, they are good for you..."
" No.. i don't wanna eat vegetables.. you can't tell me what to do"..
We've rebelled from the the norms and the standards that a higher governance has set for us. I pretty much can choose to believe what i want, to live a certain life and to be a certain way, of course, without denying someone rights to the same freedoms.
But... what if... i want to be a stay at home mom... well then, i stand the chance of being accused of falling to the sexist mentality that has been ruling time. I stand being ousted by professional women who say that's not what i really want.. i just want that because that's what I've been told i want. What if i want to cook and clean for my husband, while he goes to work and supports the family. All of this within reason, ( he's not to abuse this either) What if i choose to believe in One TRUE God? Well that's silly. Why would you do that when we've been trying so hard to get away from the rules, rituals, and suffocatings of Christianity? Especially when there are so many other religions that do not tell you there is only ONE way to God. That's so restrictive
Why not?
I believe people have lost the full ability to think for themselves. Just because someone, somewhere, in some time, abused the idea, took it and distorted it, manipulated it, rearranged it and kept the same name... doesn't mean that at some point, in the beginning, it wasn't something good.
Women... we are nurturing. We want to take care of the ones we love... I know i do. In whatever way i can, i want to make sure they are taken care of... children, or no children, we are nurturing. We were created to hold life... whether or not we do.. we as a whole, were created to do so... that's a HUGE call! That requires a strength that comes from being nurturing. That's okay. We are not weaker than, we just acquire different strengths. We can tolerate immense pain, but we still maintain an amount of delicacy. I'm okay with that. I want to be delicate, I want to be taken care of too. I want the man i marry to be a stronger person, ( not just by physical strength) but by having the ability to take care of me, while I'm taking care of our children and him as well. Chivalry is now considered offensive. Opening a door for you doesn't mean they think you can't, they are just making a gesture of courtesy! A genuine man of strength acknowledges your strength, but will also let you use it whenever he can't, and will almost let you save your strength for whenever you need it. But i have been told, that if a man offers to open the door, or to carry something heavy, or let him take care of something, it means, he thinks i can't. Like mentioned earlier, some men have manipulated this, and actually do think we are weak, fragile beings that can't do anything, and really any man who thinks this way, and is aware of the fact that women give birth, and go through almost a weeks worth of pain EVERY month, really aren't worth the argument. They speak for themselves. All I am saying, is.... i feel in our rebellion of what a woman's place is, we lost our own desire to where we want to be. Sure, be a professional... be a career woman, let your husband stay at home. That's fine! but if you want to stay home.. then do it... and don;t feel that you are surrendering to the idea that you are doing exactly what "we've" fought so hard to get away from.
As for God. I think that religion has been shoved down our throats for so long, that now, we spit out everything!!
Everyone is so okay now with believing in anything but the Christian God. If you decide to follow anything BUT Christianity , than you are truly open minded and wise. But if you choose to believe in Jesus, and His Divinity, well then ,you haven't really explored your options.
Thing is.. people reject Christ, because they can't possibly believe in that ... yet they fall into the novelties of a million other religions and beliefs without exploring its validity. Christians are constantly being mocked and criticized., but how dare you say something to disgrace the honor of Buddha, or any of the Hindu Gods. I'm not encouraging anyone to start doing this, its not right to disrespect anyone or their beliefs. But as a whole, I think that its become more okay to reject and mock Christianity than any other belief. Yes, i am aware that there have been some ( many ) "Christians" that have done many unruly things, but if you knew anything about this faith, and what it is based on, these " Christian" masks would be removed and you would see that these people were not acting on faith, and on a relationship with Christ. Christianity has nothing to hide. Its open to investigation. Its open to examination. Its a shame that people have taken the name, manipulated it, twisted it and carried it to open forums for everyone to see. If someone was to take my name, and in the name of "Flora" do horrendous things, wrong things, manipulated things, of course, people would see that, and of course pay little attention to the other who in my name went out and did good. If others took my name and in my name were helpful, gentle, and loving people, they would not get the same attention. Without ever knowing anything about ME, you would reject me, because you never even tried to know me. Without ever knowing Jesus, people reject Him. They base their view on those who have taken his name and acted solely on their manipulating intentions.
Because so many have shoved this religion down people's throats, this FAITH is being spit out. Should people decide to try and see for themselves.. who knows... you might agree with it.
SO think for yourselves, we are allowed that freedom, and i feel as if though we have been tricked into thinking we have had this freedom. Its really been pushed to the opposite and become sort of a rebellion.
"eat vegetables, they are good for you..."
" No.. i don't wanna eat vegetables.. you can't tell me what to do"..
after the storm
The storm is over... at least the worst part.... the rain is still falling, on the occasion it gets a little heavier, but for the most part, the skies are clearing and the sun is rising. The waves are calmer, and the decks are drying.
In that storm I cried for Him. In that storm, I begged for His help. The waves came crashing in and I could not even stand on my own two feet. In that storm, I knew He was the only one who could help me.
In that storm, I extended my arms out to Him and He graciously took me in. He gave me peace, and comfort. He let me know that should this ship go down, He still had me.
Now, the storm is gone. I delight in the beautiful rays of sun, as they touch my skin and make me feel the great warmth it has. It's been many days since that time of the storm, and the longer it is, the more I stop crying out for Him. The less I even recognize Him in my thoughts. The less I reach out to Him. Yet, I bask in the grace and peace that He has given me. I enjoy the clear skies He has allowed me. Little thanks have been given.
How many times do we cry out for Him to give His grace? His peace? His mercy?And when given, how often do we keep crying out for HIM?
As a friend, how many times has someone come running to you for your help and when they recieve it, they thank you, linger then move on, keeping little touch with you, and making you feel a little forgotten? I know I've done that, with no ill intention, but I have done that. How many times has that been done to you? We get hurt, we feel offended, and sometimes, we take back our acts of kindness or hesitate to give them out again. Not Him. He continues to give His help over and over again, and we keep taking it and leaving. Again, not with ill intention, but we do.
The hard part is remembering this is the midst of its happening, with our friends and with God. But He, He never forgets us..... not once....
How great is He.
In that storm I cried for Him. In that storm, I begged for His help. The waves came crashing in and I could not even stand on my own two feet. In that storm, I knew He was the only one who could help me.
In that storm, I extended my arms out to Him and He graciously took me in. He gave me peace, and comfort. He let me know that should this ship go down, He still had me.
Now, the storm is gone. I delight in the beautiful rays of sun, as they touch my skin and make me feel the great warmth it has. It's been many days since that time of the storm, and the longer it is, the more I stop crying out for Him. The less I even recognize Him in my thoughts. The less I reach out to Him. Yet, I bask in the grace and peace that He has given me. I enjoy the clear skies He has allowed me. Little thanks have been given.
How many times do we cry out for Him to give His grace? His peace? His mercy?And when given, how often do we keep crying out for HIM?
As a friend, how many times has someone come running to you for your help and when they recieve it, they thank you, linger then move on, keeping little touch with you, and making you feel a little forgotten? I know I've done that, with no ill intention, but I have done that. How many times has that been done to you? We get hurt, we feel offended, and sometimes, we take back our acts of kindness or hesitate to give them out again. Not Him. He continues to give His help over and over again, and we keep taking it and leaving. Again, not with ill intention, but we do.
The hard part is remembering this is the midst of its happening, with our friends and with God. But He, He never forgets us..... not once....
How great is He.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Heavy Words
Words can become very heavy, and yet remain with such delicacy. A word and its interpretation, and all the ideas that follow can lead to great discoveries about how you have always looked at that word and how you look at it now..a symbol of the great changes one goes through in life, a sort of progression.
There are a few words, ( though they them seem to multiply in definition) circling around in my mind at this time; Hope, Faith, and Trust. These words carry so much weight, that even in typing them, I rearranged them in a significant order and capitalized them to show that they are indeed heavy words.
Hope
Hebrews 6:19-20
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek."
This has always been a favorite verse of mine, partly because of its nautical reference and my slight fascination with anchors and ships. Mostly because of the "anchor for the soul" part. I felt ( at that time in my life) that my hope was all that I had... note, I made it MY hope.
Faith.
As believers, we profess our Faith. We have Faith in someone we can not see, but who in testimony, have seen His works in our lives. We have witnessed His miracles, and interventions in our lives. We have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and we have accepted His word as truth. Our Faith makes room for our Hope to gain strength. Earlier, I emphasized that it was my hope, that was an anchor to my soul. My Faith was built on this hope, for a very long time, even to recent times.
Hebrews 11:1
1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Trust
from the Merriam Webster dictionary ;
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed.
To Trust someone, anyone is to say, " I have no doubt in my mind or heart that you will come through for me to the best of your ability"...for example, we put our trust in Doctors and their staff to do all that they can to save our lives....
To say we trust someone is to say " I believe your intentions are good, and that you are not out to hurt me..." we get hurt most when we put our trust in someone and they misuse that.. " I TRUSTED him/her, how could he/she do this?"
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah"
A new meaning
Hope...
As stated earlier.. I had this idea that it was MY hope that was an anchor to my soul.. and it was very much my anchor.. and I was far from being anchored..."This Ship" was swaying back and forth and unable to reach the harbor...( God's presence ) basically... this anchor was weak.
In reading and in conversation with friends about this verse ( one friend specifically explained this verse to me...)
Hebrews 6:19-22
19We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.
From my understanding...in the these times, the inner sanctuary was a place where only high priests were allowed to be "close to God", and the heavy curtains kept others out. Jesus went before us, entering on our behalf... further solidifying that Jesus is the only way to God...
In reading, ( The Quest Study Bible) I understood that we are the ship close to harbor, but for whatever reason, be it tides, fog, unsteady water, we are unable to get to the harbor ( God's presence), Jesus comes to us as another ship, bringing an anchor to the harbor, to get us there. Our soul anchored to God, through Jesus and His promise for us.
All this time, I was using MY hope as an anchor... it's no wonder my heart has been without peace... it's no wonder I have been so scared, and so worried.. and so incredibly impatient.
I have been so unaware that My hope was so fragile...
"I hope for the best.." "I hope he doesn't fall" "I hope I don't get hurt..." " I hope we get through this.." I---meaning my hope... is very unsecured...
I was placing this hope in my relationship with God... " I hope He is real.." " I hope He gets me through this"
Hebrews 11:11
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
FAITH is being SURE of our hope...
How can we get this certainty?
Its in Heb 6:19.... HE is our Hope...
HE gives us Hope.. it is not our own natural, very human, very weak hope, but His Hope... just as we would ask for His Strength when ours fails us.. just as we ask for His Peace.. when our hearts want to explode... just as we ask for His Joy when there is no sign of joy. Seek not our own ... but instead for His.
My journey as a believer has very little evidence of my Trusting in God. I've been impatient in His will for me, I have been scared and worried most of my life, I have taken things into my own hands and have broken them, as "careful" as i thought i was with them. In that i have been slowly breaking myself..a product of not TRUSTING in God. I have been using my hope..and that has given very little fuel for faith.. though it has been there. All this leads to a life lacking Trust in God..
I can only compare this to a parent-child relationship. The relationship is there... The parent is the parent and the child is the child.. you can't argue that.
But how often to do we not trust our parents? Our juvenile minds question them.. and don't listen to them.. even when it is known that they have the best intentions for us...but they are still our parents, and while we acknowledge that, we don't trust them and their advice...
He is our Father. We should Trust him. He knows us, more than we know ourselves.. who better to guide us through the rough waters and dark paths?
Romans 15:13
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
There are a few words, ( though they them seem to multiply in definition) circling around in my mind at this time; Hope, Faith, and Trust. These words carry so much weight, that even in typing them, I rearranged them in a significant order and capitalized them to show that they are indeed heavy words.
Hope
Hebrews 6:19-20
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek."
This has always been a favorite verse of mine, partly because of its nautical reference and my slight fascination with anchors and ships. Mostly because of the "anchor for the soul" part. I felt ( at that time in my life) that my hope was all that I had... note, I made it MY hope.
Faith.
As believers, we profess our Faith. We have Faith in someone we can not see, but who in testimony, have seen His works in our lives. We have witnessed His miracles, and interventions in our lives. We have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, and we have accepted His word as truth. Our Faith makes room for our Hope to gain strength. Earlier, I emphasized that it was my hope, that was an anchor to my soul. My Faith was built on this hope, for a very long time, even to recent times.
Hebrews 11:1
1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Trust
from the Merriam Webster dictionary ;
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed.
To Trust someone, anyone is to say, " I have no doubt in my mind or heart that you will come through for me to the best of your ability"...for example, we put our trust in Doctors and their staff to do all that they can to save our lives....
To say we trust someone is to say " I believe your intentions are good, and that you are not out to hurt me..." we get hurt most when we put our trust in someone and they misuse that.. " I TRUSTED him/her, how could he/she do this?"
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah"
A new meaning
Hope...
As stated earlier.. I had this idea that it was MY hope that was an anchor to my soul.. and it was very much my anchor.. and I was far from being anchored..."This Ship" was swaying back and forth and unable to reach the harbor...( God's presence ) basically... this anchor was weak.
In reading and in conversation with friends about this verse ( one friend specifically explained this verse to me...)
Hebrews 6:19-22
19We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, 20where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.
From my understanding...in the these times, the inner sanctuary was a place where only high priests were allowed to be "close to God", and the heavy curtains kept others out. Jesus went before us, entering on our behalf... further solidifying that Jesus is the only way to God...
In reading, ( The Quest Study Bible) I understood that we are the ship close to harbor, but for whatever reason, be it tides, fog, unsteady water, we are unable to get to the harbor ( God's presence), Jesus comes to us as another ship, bringing an anchor to the harbor, to get us there. Our soul anchored to God, through Jesus and His promise for us.
All this time, I was using MY hope as an anchor... it's no wonder my heart has been without peace... it's no wonder I have been so scared, and so worried.. and so incredibly impatient.
I have been so unaware that My hope was so fragile...
"I hope for the best.." "I hope he doesn't fall" "I hope I don't get hurt..." " I hope we get through this.." I---meaning my hope... is very unsecured...
I was placing this hope in my relationship with God... " I hope He is real.." " I hope He gets me through this"
Hebrews 11:11
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
FAITH is being SURE of our hope...
How can we get this certainty?
Its in Heb 6:19.... HE is our Hope...
HE gives us Hope.. it is not our own natural, very human, very weak hope, but His Hope... just as we would ask for His Strength when ours fails us.. just as we ask for His Peace.. when our hearts want to explode... just as we ask for His Joy when there is no sign of joy. Seek not our own ... but instead for His.
My journey as a believer has very little evidence of my Trusting in God. I've been impatient in His will for me, I have been scared and worried most of my life, I have taken things into my own hands and have broken them, as "careful" as i thought i was with them. In that i have been slowly breaking myself..a product of not TRUSTING in God. I have been using my hope..and that has given very little fuel for faith.. though it has been there. All this leads to a life lacking Trust in God..
I can only compare this to a parent-child relationship. The relationship is there... The parent is the parent and the child is the child.. you can't argue that.
But how often to do we not trust our parents? Our juvenile minds question them.. and don't listen to them.. even when it is known that they have the best intentions for us...but they are still our parents, and while we acknowledge that, we don't trust them and their advice...
He is our Father. We should Trust him. He knows us, more than we know ourselves.. who better to guide us through the rough waters and dark paths?
Romans 15:13
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
love
A misused, mistrusted, mistaken word.
In all its complexities, it really is just very simple. The thing that complicates it is fear. We are so afraid to love. We are so scared of giving love and not receiving it in return. People allow themselves to love when there is a sense of promise that they will receive it in return. I'm guilty of this. I won't allow myself to love until I see at least a glimmer of hope that I will too be loved. This is romantically speaking.
In our self righteousness, we determine who deserves our love. Those who are rude, mean, bitter, angry, hateful, do not deserve our love. I met a man at work who had some difficulties in getting his check cashed. He was rude, he was loud. He was wearing a shirt that said" homeland security, Arizona division" that made my blood boil. I seemed to have won him over because he began to smile as I reassured him that I would do anything possible to get his check cashed and that if I couldn't it was something I could not control. I smiled at him and he settled down. I was able to do his transaction. Oddly enough, my blood didn't boil too much. It had settled. I prayed for love that was beyond my own. I chose to show this man, this stranger love in the form of kindness.
There are people in my life that are so easy to love. They welcome it. They give it back. There are kind strangers in my life that make it so easy to show kindness.
What about those who don’t make it so easy? What about those who have abused your kindness? What about those who have hurt you, deceived you, made a fool out of you, and those who have misused you? What about those who don't see life as valuable and destroy it? They are obviously undeserving of anyone's love. What about yourself? You of all people can hurt yourself so easily by taking so little care of yourself, how do you love yourself?
Yet, above all these, is the greatest love. The love we reach out for when we can't find it our hearts to love. It is the kind of love that sees past the deserving and the undeserved, the kind of love that loves us, even when we don't love back.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful to love like that?
Was he not afraid to love us? Does he not know that we ( people) may not love him back? Yet, he does. He loves us.
In all its complexities, it really is just very simple. The thing that complicates it is fear. We are so afraid to love. We are so scared of giving love and not receiving it in return. People allow themselves to love when there is a sense of promise that they will receive it in return. I'm guilty of this. I won't allow myself to love until I see at least a glimmer of hope that I will too be loved. This is romantically speaking.
In our self righteousness, we determine who deserves our love. Those who are rude, mean, bitter, angry, hateful, do not deserve our love. I met a man at work who had some difficulties in getting his check cashed. He was rude, he was loud. He was wearing a shirt that said" homeland security, Arizona division" that made my blood boil. I seemed to have won him over because he began to smile as I reassured him that I would do anything possible to get his check cashed and that if I couldn't it was something I could not control. I smiled at him and he settled down. I was able to do his transaction. Oddly enough, my blood didn't boil too much. It had settled. I prayed for love that was beyond my own. I chose to show this man, this stranger love in the form of kindness.
There are people in my life that are so easy to love. They welcome it. They give it back. There are kind strangers in my life that make it so easy to show kindness.
What about those who don’t make it so easy? What about those who have abused your kindness? What about those who have hurt you, deceived you, made a fool out of you, and those who have misused you? What about those who don't see life as valuable and destroy it? They are obviously undeserving of anyone's love. What about yourself? You of all people can hurt yourself so easily by taking so little care of yourself, how do you love yourself?
Yet, above all these, is the greatest love. The love we reach out for when we can't find it our hearts to love. It is the kind of love that sees past the deserving and the undeserved, the kind of love that loves us, even when we don't love back.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful to love like that?
Was he not afraid to love us? Does he not know that we ( people) may not love him back? Yet, he does. He loves us.
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